: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
