it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
