i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
