He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Text me some of your sweat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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