508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
