last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
