Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
