Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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