Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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