no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
