Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
