i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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