life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
