Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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