I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize