Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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