coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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