Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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