dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
