I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
