she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
