so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
