She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
where does the pee come out of this thing
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I checked into jail on foursquare
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
