he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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