She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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