its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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