My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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