im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
