And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
