fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
