Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
