I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
