Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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