I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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