i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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