Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
