i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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