Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
