So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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