i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize