I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
