i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
