are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
