just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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