Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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