if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
