Farmville is her only friend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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