That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
