I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
