from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
