so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
