She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
