He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
