you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
