Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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