her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
