how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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