ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
