Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
