mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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