well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
