The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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