the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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