Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
