Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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