Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
