If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm too high and old for this...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
