All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
