spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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