I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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