you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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