if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
