so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
