i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
