During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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