Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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