dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
