totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
