Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
