my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
