I heard we made out
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
