I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
