I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
