I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize