I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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