If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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