its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
