That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
