forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
