I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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