If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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