I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
only if we run a train.
done.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
