He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
