ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
