is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
