I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize