I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize