Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
