guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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